After 7 months

After 7 months, finally I'm beginning to fit in.

I feel that a the sky has cleared up a bit. I see things a bit better now.

The stress is still there, but I'm happy that I feel the challenge too.

I know more things, I now understand business talk.

In fact, I'm going to open an online investment account. I'll use whatever I've learned to enrich myself and my bank account.

It's Going to be Busier

I can see it now... the months ahead will be busier for me as new accounts are being opened, new margin trading accounts, and a lot more of those rush-rush insurance deals.

But then, time is passing by so fast. It's almost end February.. a few more blinks and it's March!

I'm learning more, and about time as well because I'm nearing my 6th month in the Bank.

I've bought myself an LV bag from my bonus.. and I hope it will serve as a motivation for me.

Can I Tahan This Job

Knowing my tolerance level, I think I can tahan anything... but the question is, will I ever be happy?

Will I ever be at peace knowing I'm paid to be at someone's beck and call? How long do I need to listen to condescending tone from other people?

Can I endure looking stupid all the time (about things that I don't understand, that I don't have time to learn, and that other people can't seem to have time to teach me)

A Bit Better

It's been a little over 4 months since I joined the Bank. Though I'm more adjusted to it, there's still some things I don't like about it.

The fact that I always have to make and answer calls, being at the beck and call of my RM, having to rush everything... Aaargh, it's so not me.

I just know I have to tough it out. If not till September (my anniversary), then it would probably be until May 2011, after our lease is up.

Must Endure, Must Love It

I prayed for this opportunity to work at a more prestigious bank, and my prayers were heard. I promised I will work hard and try to excel, and I believe I'm doing the best I can.. but somehow, along the way, I lost that 'fire in the belly' (quote stolen from my previous big boss).

So, it's not the work per se, it's me!

But, since I'm still here, I shall do my best not to embarrass those people who supported this job move.

Sigh, in truth, there was a period (maybe a month or so), when I felt so stuck in this life. I don't know what to do, I don't know what my future would be like, I'm afraid to risk anything. I was so stuck that I felt like just giving up. There was a point when I felt I was ready to just die and leave this all behind.

But now, somehow I felt something stir inside me. Now there's a teeny tiny spark in my belly. I want to live and be happy.

I Made Money

I earned my keep for this month's salary.

I helped the Bank make about EUR3000 this week! Hooray.

My RM and Investment Advisor are both away, so no choice.. I had to do it, because in private bank, RMs don't help co-RMs to sell.

I sold ROFC, accumulator and bonds. Not to the same client, mind you.

I traded with 3 or 4 clients. Hee. Great feeling. Atleast the salary they're paying me this month is well worth it. I earned it, dude.

Cannot Make It One

Today was one of my most hands-on days.

I sold and bought bonds for my client. Sold 1 structured product, and even answered questions regarding client's EUR Call structure.

I think it's because of too much brain usage that I'm now feeling sick. Literally sick. My throat is dry, my bones are tired and achy, at one point my ears were also blocked. My neck is painful and I feel that my heart is weak, and I get all quivery.

I really really don't know if I can make it in this environment. It's too stressful! And I still don't understand a lot of things. I keep learning things the hard and humiliating way - like I'd appear stupid first before I finally finish the task.

The past few days, I realised that I'm just thru with working as an employee. I think I'd like to start a business. But I have no idea what.

Geez, if the salary is not so big, I wouldn't be too stressed about deciding to leave or stay. And, as I hear people wanting to come here and work, it just makes me feel weird to want to go home, when I have this steady salary, cool home and bunch of friends to hang out with.

Aaaargh.. I'm going to collapse soon!