Cannot Make It One

Today was one of my most hands-on days.

I sold and bought bonds for my client. Sold 1 structured product, and even answered questions regarding client's EUR Call structure.

I think it's because of too much brain usage that I'm now feeling sick. Literally sick. My throat is dry, my bones are tired and achy, at one point my ears were also blocked. My neck is painful and I feel that my heart is weak, and I get all quivery.

I really really don't know if I can make it in this environment. It's too stressful! And I still don't understand a lot of things. I keep learning things the hard and humiliating way - like I'd appear stupid first before I finally finish the task.

The past few days, I realised that I'm just thru with working as an employee. I think I'd like to start a business. But I have no idea what.

Geez, if the salary is not so big, I wouldn't be too stressed about deciding to leave or stay. And, as I hear people wanting to come here and work, it just makes me feel weird to want to go home, when I have this steady salary, cool home and bunch of friends to hang out with.

Aaaargh.. I'm going to collapse soon!