Please Help Me

It's been two weeks since I've moved to a new company.

It hasn't been smooth sailing, and today, I've had my first written compliment and first error. It's the second time I almost cried in the office. And as I went to the toilet, the tears almost burst out.

My nose and eyes became red, so I had to cool myself down.

I'm missing some of the people back in my old job. I'm thinking if I've made the right decision. I'm thinking if this new job means slow death for me, both literally and figuratively speaking. I've been holding my pee in some instances due to urgent things that need to be done. So much that I saw streaks of blood on the tissue.

I've been stressed that I don't even feel like talking to my family because I'm too tired to explain whatever I'm feeling. I have so many complaints, but not enough ears to listen to me.

I know I shouldn't be negative, but I cannot help it when I'm this depressed.

I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't understand a lot of things. People are all in a hurry, and do not have the luxury of teaching me thoroughly.

I have to absorb everything after one time explanation. I mean, of course I can ask and ask, but no matter how many times they repeat it, a jargon is still jargon to me. They all sound alien to me, and I can't understand anymore.

At the end of the day, my desk is always a major mess with piles and piles of paper. I want to be organized, but how? Every few minute there's a fresh instruction. I haven't even finished understanding the first one, and another one pops up.

I'm drowning. This is one of the worst feelings ever.

I'm helpless. I do not know what to do. It's so messy that I don't even know where to start with my questions. I know adjustment periods are meant to be tough, but man, this is just too much.

It's like a running chicken after its head has been chopped off. Running without directions.

Lost. Troubled. Stressed.