A Better Week

This week was slightly better, as I learn more and was able to talk to clients with a little bit more confidence.

It's better.. but still, I'm having doubts if my brain and heart can take the pressure in the long run.

It's difficult. You see, I'm dealing with high end private banking clients, which means they are trading in larger amounts, which means any mistake I make will mean a big loss .. and at the same time, I'm still learning the processes and products, while trying to project professionalism.

Jia you.. I can do it. For my honour, and for the money.

Not So Newbie Anymore

I've been working for 20 days already! Which means, I've completed a month.

I'm not so new anymore, and I couldn't use 'I'm new' as an excuse anymore.

Now I can only say 'I'm a bit new'.

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It has been an exciting week for me.

I had my first major boo-boo and my first ever booked trade.

Boo-boo:Instead of buying 200,000 of shares, I sold it! After a few seconds, I called the trader back in hopes of cancelling the trade. But, it was too late. The only remedy was to put an order to buy back the same number of shares at the same price (to offset). However, the stock price for that particular equity picked up, so we were able to buy it back at .0013 higher. Seems little, but that .00 something meant a bank loss of AUD260. And, the loss was considered minimal, only because it was a small trade. Imagine if it were millions of shares. Gulp!

First trade: I called a client to explain about a product (though he's already familiar with it). Then, he booked USD100k! It felt sooo good! And I was so happy! It really was a different feeling.

All in all, it was a good week. I think I've finally received s0me kind of acceptance from my colleagues. I think they see me as someone with potential, because this week, I felt I was part of the team.

I hope I will learn faster, I can't wait!

Three Weeks Old

I've been on my new job for 3 weeks! So fast... it really is. It seemed like time just whoosed pass.

This week was a bit better. Monday and Tuesday was still bad, but Wednesday onwards was better.

I tried to change my disposition, to think positive and follow the 'Just for today principle'. It seems to be working.

Either that, or I'm just excited because I'm watching the Hossan Leong show. Anticipating something is always a good thing. It makes the days more tolerable.

Workwise, I'm learning more and more products

I still have those barely-floating-in-the-deep-sea moments. When I have only myself to rely on. That and asking bits and pieces from other people (I'm not the questioning type you see). It's very difficult, very frustrating, but at the end of the day, once I get it.. it's very rewarding too.

Better

Today was a bit better in the office.

Still stressed because of all the unknown things. Still irritated with the feeling of being helpless.

Sometimes I just stare at my work. If I'm lucky, I'll understand it eventually.. but if not, then no choice but to ask. Ask and be given an answer which evokes more questions that I could not ask. Why? because everyone's too occupied. If I ask at the wrong time, and I'm given an answer and I don't get it, then it would be difficult to ask it again next time.. because by then, I would be told 'You've asked that before'. Being an egoistic person, I could not take that.

This Awful Feeling

Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm dreading it.

That awful feeling of being scared, worried, tired, paranoid and pressured. Thinking about those things that I wasn't able to finish last Friday, anticipating a call I have to make and scared of all the problems that may arise. Fearing that I will again be in the office, with tons of things to do and no idea how to do it. No idea on how to even ask for help when everybody is busy with their own things.

Afraid of the thought of being helpless and clueless. Like being in the middle of the ocean with just a styro board to keep me barely afloat.

For someone who's only just entering into third week of work, is this normal?

Feeling scared is normal, being pressured is to.. but dreading it already?

I do not want to quit by tendering my resignation letter because I will let down my friend, who referred me to my current boss.. If I quit, I will let down my family, my boyfriend and myself.
But it did cross my mind to quit.. by just putting a permanent end to everything.

Please Help Me

It's been two weeks since I've moved to a new company.

It hasn't been smooth sailing, and today, I've had my first written compliment and first error. It's the second time I almost cried in the office. And as I went to the toilet, the tears almost burst out.

My nose and eyes became red, so I had to cool myself down.

I'm missing some of the people back in my old job. I'm thinking if I've made the right decision. I'm thinking if this new job means slow death for me, both literally and figuratively speaking. I've been holding my pee in some instances due to urgent things that need to be done. So much that I saw streaks of blood on the tissue.

I've been stressed that I don't even feel like talking to my family because I'm too tired to explain whatever I'm feeling. I have so many complaints, but not enough ears to listen to me.

I know I shouldn't be negative, but I cannot help it when I'm this depressed.

I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't understand a lot of things. People are all in a hurry, and do not have the luxury of teaching me thoroughly.

I have to absorb everything after one time explanation. I mean, of course I can ask and ask, but no matter how many times they repeat it, a jargon is still jargon to me. They all sound alien to me, and I can't understand anymore.

At the end of the day, my desk is always a major mess with piles and piles of paper. I want to be organized, but how? Every few minute there's a fresh instruction. I haven't even finished understanding the first one, and another one pops up.

I'm drowning. This is one of the worst feelings ever.

I'm helpless. I do not know what to do. It's so messy that I don't even know where to start with my questions. I know adjustment periods are meant to be tough, but man, this is just too much.

It's like a running chicken after its head has been chopped off. Running without directions.

Lost. Troubled. Stressed.

You Cut Me Deep

My feet got seriously cut by the 2 new pairs of shoes I wore the past week.

All in the name of beauty.